Letters to the editor: Children and abuse; Suppression
Children and abuse
TO THE EDITOR
I am too young to speak for myself. My dad has abused us. He is so normal in public situations that no one would believe what he does at home. If my mom and sister were to say what he does to us, you would think they were mentally ill, but they are telling the truth.
How do we get the court system to trust the words of the deeds hidden at home? How do we get the Guardian Ad Litems to trust the words that seem totally unbelievable, but in truth, happen?
The trauma the children go through is horrendous when the legal system grants 50/50 placement. Abusers should not get the automatic benefit of 50/50. With the severe abuse, sometimes the placement should only be for the abuser to get professionally supervised visitation. This allows for much less trauma for everyone. When a child is made to go back to the abuser, the trauma they experience goes on far longer than the time period they have with that parent.
Everyone else suffers — the child and the parent who has to deal with the fallout of that encounter that lasts for days and sometimes weeks — and they get revictimized again for having to spend time with the abuser. These victims, adult and child alike, need a personal advocate, not more condemnation from the legal system. When you see someone that seems to be hurting in an abusive relationship, they probably are. Are you a safe enough person for them to tell the truth to?
TO THE EDITOR
A number of years ago I was having a beer with an 85-year-old friend of mine, Lawrence. We were talking about anything that came to mind when all of a sudden tears started to run down my old friend's face. He started to say, "If I only wouldn't have fixed the trucks."
He started to apologize for the tears and the comment when I said everything is fine. We went on talking for a while when he repeated "If I only wouldn't have fixed the trucks." After the second time I had to ask if something was wrong. Lawrence began to explain his outburst.
It was the 50th anniversary of the Battle of the Bulge. For over 50 years Lawrence had suppressed the inner feelings being his fault for the deaths of soldiers. He felt if he wouldn't have fixed the trucks that were sent to the front lines the GI's wouldn't have died. The trucks would go to the front empty and return full of dead soldiers.
"If I only wouldn't have fixed the trucks." Lawrence had suppressed this pain and suffering for over 50 years until something triggered it.
I often wonder if that is what is happening now with a lot of the charges that are being made about rich influential political figures. Someone or something has triggered the pain and suffering and self-blame being felt by individuals that really aren't the ones at fault but were made to feel like it because of power and fear of the predator until something triggered their verbal release. The feeling of, what can be worse than the years of self-discrimination I've gone through already.
As with Lawrence, as one ages, suppression of traumatic happenings in our lives becomes harder to control and suppress. Judge less on the length of time from the predator's actions and more on the time of suffering by the victim from the actions of the predator.